Sick...

Hey, couldn't manage to sleep well and also woke up this early and nothing to do. Don tink i'm feeling too well... Well, at least i know that she's ok... That's all i can ask for, for now... Sometimes i wonder if i'm just too good like my cousin said bout me or i'm jus putting up a front of being happy and strong... There are times when i really needed someone to be near me and encourage me especially for the whole of last week in camp when my squad IC and his friends "declared war" on our bunk... Ivan, jus wanna thank you for talking to me and hearing out my problems and toking cock with me to cheer me up... Really appreciate it... Fuck... Why am i crying for what shit.... Arghhh~~~~ Stop it Terence.... You're a man... Man dun cry that easily....

To be true, normally i use to act up a front in front of people so they won't get worried for me but in me, the hurt, the sadness jus filled up in me when i'm alone whereever i am.... And i just keep thinking things that i shouldn't to make myself sad and getting emo... Wasn't that good for the last whole week of training for me... Felt like it was a shitty week.... As u can see that my first problem(on top)... And adding to that, i fainted during training (please keep it silent for those who are reading this and are my family members!!!) All i can do is to hope the coming week can be better.... My law test is coming soon and i can feel the pressure heaping on me and i for now, really dun wan to feel pressured at all sides, just for now....

Sometimes, i'm wondering what i can do to improve myself to be a better person and so to all who knows me and are reading my blog, please do not spare your criticism on me, will change for the better BUT after my test then do that.... I also know it's not good for others to worry about me that's why i usually don tell my problems to people... I just dun feel good letting them worried for me like Ivan, my family members, Stella. My mind is feeled with so much things right now that i dun no what to type oso... I think my weakness is so much more then my strengths!!! I can list my weaknesses out man:

1) Selfish at times

2) Self-centred at times

3) Naggy

4) Short tempered at times

5) Gets emo and it usually comes quite badly!

6) Thinks too much

7) Untidy

8) Lazy at times

9) Judgmental to those i dun like

These are some of them and there are more that i can't think of.... My strengths are for all you out there to list out and find out... Really feel very tired but really can't do anything about it... ARGHHH~~~~~ Just feel like killing myself and end all the things and troubles... Relationships with people can really be complicated, doesn't it... It's so fucking sticky that u can't get yourself out..... The words "Hate you forever"/"go and die, i never want to tok to you" can really knock sense into people.... As in make a person wonder if he's really doing the right thing.... But there's nothing one can do... Jus to swallow it down and be sad bout it...
Haix.... There's really too much in my mind for me to write... My head is spinning again... Duno why feeling giddy for the past few days.... And the problem is i can't sleep at all... All i wanted is to have a good normal life, with someone there for me, that everyone will be happy when they're with me and not feel sad or emo and many more for me to list out... But i dun think any of this have come true yet for me...
Heaven, are you playing a joke on me or you just simply want me to die?!?!?! If it's the second choice, jus do it, stop playing jokes on me!!! I had enough of it!!! This might make some of you angry with me but please dun be angry, coz that is what i'm feeling rite now... Jus treat it as i'm typing shit.... Haix....
:'(